We've spent the last few weeks discussing missing conversations and shifting our approach to viewing conflict and tension through the lens of "What conversations are missing here?" or "Are the conversations we are having effective?" When we adopt this framework, we change the game. We change the game by altering the conversations, changing who we converse with, and addressing systemic problems.
Not all missing conversations are challenging, but many can be. We've all heard the wise advice not to respond or send an email when we're upset. The same applies to tough, missing conversations. We aren't prepared for the difficult conversation without being grounded and centered.
Last week, while engaging on social media, I had an alarming exchange. That hasn't happened to me in a long time (if ever). Person A made a sweeping generalization, and I replied that it might not be that simple and that such a broad statement might not apply to the entire "group" in question. I provided some history and facts, giving examples highlighting how members of this "group" might not be how Person A described them and could not implement the mandate the poster demanded.
I received swift replies from Person A and others supporting their sweeping generalization and insisting that this "group" deserves whatever happens to them. I countered with additional examples of situations where meeting the original poster's demands might be challenging and that assuming everyone in this group is in a position to do what Person A demands was inhumane.
One reply stated, "XXX (the group) isn't even human." Wow. Make no mistake; this group in question is entirely human. Being human is required to qualify for this "group." Pets, lampposts, food, etc., cannot qualify. I stopped engaging at that point, but the impact was chilling.
I'll pose the same question I asked myself after the exchange: Is there someone or a group we don't see as "even human?" If we are honest with ourselves and shine a light into the darkest corners of our thoughts, who would we describe as "not even human," even if we are clever enough to keep our thoughts to ourselves?
Since I was introduced to the idea of missing conversations, I've realized that some of the most challenging and missing discussions have been with myself. As leaders and members of society, we need each other to function (at least most of us). The world feels uncertain and chaotic, and emotions are running high.
How are you staying grounded and centered? Are you able to have missing conversations with yourself? How are you continuing to grow and challenge yourself?